know your worth

I AM SCARED AHHHHH

So tomorrow I am starting a work for 18 days, and I’ll be working with 11 men and only one woman..

How could I explain to you how high my panic level is right now. I hope everything is going to be alright.

I hope I won’t be a burden to them and that I won’t have panic attacks in the middle of the day. 

Please pray for me.

Send me your strength, cause I am really, really scared outta my mind at the moment.

From Me To Y❤U.

I have so much to tell you guys..

But only one thing seems important right now. And it’s Thank You.

I created this tumblr probably like 6 months ago, and I honestly never thought it would be like this. I don’t know if I really helped some people here, I hope I did, even though I am not a professionnal in abusive relationship/domestic violences. But there is one thing I know for sure, you helped me so much. I’ve had some ups and some real lows those past few months, and this blog was like the only place I could come and open my heart without being afraid of anything. You guys never judged me even when I was ashamed myself of what I was thinking, how I was feeling, what I wanted to say.. I feel like whatever I say, I will always have support, even if I’m not right. I feel like I can be myself. I feel like I can free myself from my fear of people.

All of the messages I got from you when I was sad, when I felt like it would never get better.. I’m not saying everything is perfect, I know I will always have those kind of days, a lot. All I’m saying is I believe in myself and I believe I can do something with my life.

Maybe today is just a good day and tomorrow I’ll feel like I’m the shittiest person on earth, who knows, but at least I feel good right now.

You guys always cheer me up, sometimes people send me jokes just to make sure I smiled at least once on the day I get it, some people just send me little messages, but they all mean so much to me. It’s the most precious things I have.

You guys taught me it was okay to feel angry, it was okay to feel sad, that I was not a bad person because of this. It’s human. You taught me so much I could never list everything. You always share things with me to show me I’m not the only one. I never feel alone. I never feel different.

I’m literally crying right now because I know I am LUCKY. I never thought something like this would ever happen.

I have so many things to say I’m sure I’m forgetting half of it, but whatever. I just want you all to know I love you.

You saved me, and I am forever grateful for every things you did for me.

From the littlest one to the biggest.

And you’ll alaways a special place in my heart. Forever.

FUCK YOU!

I just can’t with some people’s ignorance.

I got messages saying “You’re lying, you were never abused, if you were you wouldn’t talk about it” WELL guess what, I was abused and the reason why I’m talking about it today is because if nobody does, there is absolutely no chances things will change. 

I don’t know about america, but in my country one in four women will be abused by their partner during their life.THIS is the reason why I’m not hiding what I went through! I look around me and count women, I try to see what they are hiding. I try to be a voice for the scared one.

If that’s too much for you to understand,

THIS IS NOT MY PROBLEM.

Of course today was just too good, he had to ruin it for me.

I’m just… UGHHHH

Is it bad that I made a list of reasons why I don’t deserve to live, and that I found 27 reasons?

And is it bad that I feel a little bit better now that I made this list?

This whole week has just been a fucking emotional rollercoaster, I don’t even know how I feel at the moment.

I just know I’m lucky to have y’all.

So today I decided that I would talk about my last relationship with a “friend”. I thought it could help me, or I don’t know. I’m not really sure how I felt about it, I just wanted to. But I was so nervous and anxious about it that I only said one thing. I said “he was violent at some point.”
And oh well.
The only thing my friend told me is: “Violent ?! What did you do to make him do this?”

The only thing I could say is “I don’t know.”
And people wonder why we never talk about it… Mh.